I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize