What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
