True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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