she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
