My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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