Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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