and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
