So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
