There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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