Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
