How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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