Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
