I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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