I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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