I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
