Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
