EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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