we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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