I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
