I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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