I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
