I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
