I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
