Buhtt sex?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
