Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
