absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
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