The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
