New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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