Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
