I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
