The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
