somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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