mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
All I want is dick and wine.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
