you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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