Whatcha textin bout Willis?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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