evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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