In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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