Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
