Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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