A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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