God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
