Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
