tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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