She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
