My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
