my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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