she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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