Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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