Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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