I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
