I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
