Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i will never coherently bang her
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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