I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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