One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
