Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize