i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
