you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
