Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
