period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
i need some magic done to my vagina
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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