No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
