new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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