you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
