if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
